I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
