She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
bring money and cleavage
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
