SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
