Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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