I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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