Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
