and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
