we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
