I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
