no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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