I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
