I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
