And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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