she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
