New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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