Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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