Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
