i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
