He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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