theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
