i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
