Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
