this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
