Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
