If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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