DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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