you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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