honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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