Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
