good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
