i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
