i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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