So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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