I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
