I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
