Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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