i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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