what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
