My first STD was from a foam party
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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