Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You ruined the universe
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