Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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