I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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