One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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