Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
