from now on my penis is your penis
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
