thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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