just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
