god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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