I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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