dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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