Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I met the friendliest cop last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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