My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
