mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
