Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
