Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
