Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
