Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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