That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
