she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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