I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
