You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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