I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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