what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
