I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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