i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
